Saturday, April 18, 2009
I HAVE BEEN THINKING A LOT LATELY ...
And … that is much safer for folks that are around me a lot; me putting my brain in gear before I start spouting nonsense/gibberish/anger/etc.
When a couple of weeks ago, Thelma (HL’s sis-in-law) who was like a sister to me for over 50 years … was found dead one morning … I was numb. It seemed … even at the viewing … where she looked like she was sleeping … it was sur-real.
If you know me on the praying lists or spiritual discussion groups, you know I was having many health issues since August 2008. I was going to see Ricki who was still in the Care Center in DeQuincy … and sometimes I would cook some of his favorite foods. While in LSU/Shreveport … he ate very little ‘real food’ … although jello and pudding did go down OK. He had a tube in his throat for over 3 months … during all those surgeries he had … trying to get rid of the MRSA bacteria AND his throat was more than sore.
When I would go to DeQuincy alone; he would ask me to stay until he had to leave the room to do therapy of some kind. I did so … thanking our Sweet Jesus for his life and my being able to spend so much time with him … but …
When I would get in the RAV … it was like an oven. I suffered (in just one week) 2 bouts of heat exhaustion; the first put me in the ER for a few hours, getting an IV drip to re-hydrate me. The second one … I recognized the symptoms … and packed in ice after a cold shower … and drank lots of water.
Just before Thelma died … I started having body jerks in my torso and shoulders; no pain, just jerks that woke me up … and kept me up; sometimes walking the floor, just not to get back in bed … to jerk some more. And then my hands would shake all day.
Thelma and my cousin, Jessie Mae in Redmond WA told me that my body was finally telling my mind … to get some much needed rest. Yeah, right, I thought.
It got so bad that I did go to the doctor; smart young man … and right away … said ‘well, you had a lot of stress in the past few years … and your body is telling you to slow down’. WHAT; Thelma and JM were right. Of course, we pray a lot … but even the Cajun Traiteur prayers did not seem to help. Doc said ‘take a diazepam every night about an hour before you go to bed’. I DID; AND HAD 4 GREAT AND RESTFUL NIGHTS … and then they found Thelma dead.
My night that day … was bad, I thought; and I took another pill … because it had been over 8 hours … and allowed. I got up late … on the day of the viewing, finding out that we could go to the funeral home around 5 pm. So I rested some … here in front of the computer … and some in the living room; then took a shower to get ready to leave the house. HL told me ‘I do not want to go’. That was a shock.
But the next thing he told me … was more than a shock; it was a shocker.
Our local paper will put the name of a person in a square … with age and funeral home in charge. Well, Ms. Mobile phone lady friend called HL for the schedule of events … WHEN SHE COULD HAVE READ IT IN THE PAPER THE NEXT DAY.
When he told me that … I could not speak for a few seconds. Then I said ‘I certainly hope you told her that was none of her business (Thelma and her daughter, Shirley did not like this woman for what she had put me through for 3 years of talking to HL … every day and sometimes … more than once.) He told me he gave her the event times.
Here is where my mouth spouted (well, kinda shouted) words without my brain even being involved. ‘If she shows up while I am there, I will try to remove her from the building (said a little less than a shout) … (and him interrupting with … ‘not your business’) … (I went on … louder) … I will try to remover her from the building … quietly. If she refuses … you will see … not World War 3 nor 4 … but 5 and 6 combined’. And then I headed out the back door.
He said ‘I thought you did not feel like driving’ … and I reminded him that once I got on the highway in front of our house … it was a straight shot … about 4 miles to the edge of town and the funeral home. He said ‘wait; let me get dressed’.
We stayed about 45 minutes … and I wanted to stay for the rosary. He kept grunting and changing the position he was sitting in … so I finally agreed to leave. The next morning … we could be there from 8 am to noon … and then the church at 1 pm.
He would not go to the funeral home; and did not want to go to the cemetery.
Again, I thought … for him … because of his pain, I would do it his way.
That night between the viewing and funeral … my body was constantly jerking. Walking around … sitting in my recliner … up, down; up, down; nothing seemed to work … so when it was time for me to take another pill, I did … but it took over 2 hours to stop the jerking and let me get some sleep.
Now all this time … until yesterday … I blamed that really bad night on HL and his lady friend talking on the phone. She had been told a couple of years ago to stop calling … but she kept on. She was married to a cousin of mine … but he had died. But several close relatives in his family had died after him … and she called with the news … knowing that we get the local paper … and did not need her to give us any of the information.
But today … after the sudden idea popped into my mind; I realized … actually about
2 am … that it was not the phone call; it was the time I missed with my family … Thelma’s children, daughter-in-law, grandchildren … and even great-grandchildren.
That time can never be brought back to me. I mourn for my dear sister … who had a hard life … and I am sure she is with our Sweet Jesus or well on her way. But I also mourn for the missing … minutes; hours; days … that I will never be able to claim again.
My health has steadily improved since that time; even my fasting blood sugar readings have been good … and I am driving again. I thank every one who prayed for me … and know that is the largest part of my getting well. Doc did his part; but JESUS IS THE GREAT HEALER. This blog entry has brought me peace in my mind and heart. I hope to never get into that kind of health issue again.
I do want to say to our daughter … Faye (Sissy to many of you) and her daughter, Annie … who were there for me … and I found out a couple of days ago that Annie was afraid I was having a mental breakdown. Ohe, my sweet and Darling granddaughter … your prayers are always precious to me … knowing that … at one time … you found it hard to pray … and wanted to take all the blame for Jesus on the cross.
When our little Layla gets… here (sometime around June 25) we will again … be the 4 ladies on the road. Annie used to call us that when my mother was alive and we traveled to see her… or she was here … and then we did a lot of visiting.
Je t’aime … and DIEU TE BENISSE!!! GOD BLESS!!! Merci for your prayers. Macile
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